giant gummy bear (part 1)

gummy bears; they're a staple candy at carnivals, cinemas, circuses, and the like. you might even say that gummy bears are pretty radical. it would be hard for me to disagree with this assessment, at least on the face of it. however, this is a treacherous path, leading eventually towards the paradox of choice, and that way, madness lies...

what brand of gummy bears does one choose? what flavor palette, what consistency, what quantity? is there a wrong choice? furthermore, to take this to its logical extreme... is there a right choice?

the answer is "yes." or, more precisely, "very yes." however, the answer to this problem is liable to shake the foundations of your knowledge and reason to the very core. which gummy bears are best? there is only one...

...luckily, it weighs five pounds.

this thing is absolutely radical. it is a deep blue raspberry, a flavor so absolutely radical that it doesn't even exist in nature, but one which strikes the perfect balance between sweet, sour, tart, tangy, and juicy. the consistency is absolutely unparalleled by any gummy bear that dares to be dwarfed by this sublime creation. i would almost call it gourmet, but even that is an injustice, because this is truly a gummy bear for the masses. i mean, literally; you could feed a ton of people with this. I probably don't have to tell you this, but that is a fairly radical feat for a single gummy bear.

the shelf life is pretty impressive too; after opening, if kept in a cool, dry place, it will last for about a year without the need for refrigeration, which is important, because this monster is rich, dense, chewy, and very obviously, gummy.

this is the gummy bear that transcended desire, sacrificed its own dharmic path, and delayed reaching nirvana itself until all others could know its truth, which i would have to say, makes this a pretty rad candy.

i give it 90 radicals out of 100, and 5 hype out of 5, making it "legit hyphy"