Halloween

hey, it's just 365 days until the greatest holiday of the year, so it's about time to start thinking about what candies to buy and distribute!

now I know it seems counterintuitive to select candies meticulously to then give them away callously, but tradition is tradition, and if you host trick-or-treat visitors, it's something to keep in mind.

before I start, a couple rules of thumb. go for value. value packs, variety packs, fun size. the myth that anyone wants full-size Snickers bars on Halloween is an insidious lie spread by Big Candy. on this night, above all others, Fun Size is king. furthermore, the candy is not only a commodity, it is often a currency. make sure there aren't duds in the mix. you're better off giving no candy than bad candy. if you don't want to think about it much, order a bulk bag of Reese's Minis off the internet and call it a day. so, without further ado...

5) Airheads - Unhealthy and surreal; the perfect candy to start this list and encapsulate what Halloween candy represents. a little expensive relatively, but they are substantial, and there are value packs that include Airheads alongside classics like Gushers and Fruit-By-The-Foot, so there are options. Most houses will be giving chocolate, so it isn't necessary to complement it with some kind of chocolate yourself. Airheads will be remembered.

4) M&M's - Not much needs to be said here. Candy shell that doesn't melt. Small but substantial packages. Instant vareity to account for some tastes and allergies. Classic choice.

3) Hershey's Miniatures - Similar idea to M&M's, with the individual varieties. For chocolate purists, it's a safe choice; though there are clearly better chocolates, few are as palatable to the Halloween canvas.

2) Snickers - People love Snickers. I'm not sure if it's just brand awareness or if the singular formulation of their peanut nougat really sets them apart from other candy bars, but ignoring any of my own biases, Snickers is an undeniably good candy. It really doesn't taste like anything else, but keep in mind that because of the aforementioned brand awareness, a lot of people go for the Snickers as well. My advice is to pair it with Milky Way, but your mileage may vary.

1) Reese's - Everyone had to know this was the top spot. It's Reese's. Cups, pumpkins minis, pieces. You can't make a wrong choice. Similar idea to Snickers with the brand awareness, but there is no such thing as Reese's fatigue.

Happy Halloween everyone!

SweeTARTS Sour Gummies

What is reality? Is it the external cacophony of processes, forces, and energies? Is it the cross-modal sensory model that our brains produce to make sense of that noise? Does reality lie somewhere in the gulf between these two shores, where platonic ideals meet gritty inconsistency?

Most candies don't even try to answer these questions. Most candies make us feel safe, make us feel important, make us feel... at peace. Most candies are too cowardly to stare into the abyss... but not SweeTARTS.

SweeTARTS Sour Gummies are a study in form; the hyper-realistic gummy shapes challenge our notions of what gummies should be. Just an incomplete list of this variety can induce existential dread: celestial (cartoon sun, crescent moon, lightning bolt), musical (beamed eighth notes, acoustic guitar), aquatic (hyper-realistic fish, starfish), scientific (beaker, rocket), innocent (teddy bear, gingerbread man), modern (chat bubble, octothorpe), and even three types of footwear (flip-flop, sneaker, and boot). Combine this with the random nature of which shapes are paired with which flavors in which combinations, you are left with a countably infinite set of possible bags. This infinite variety paired with the relative consistency of each individual unit create a sort of vertigo if thought about for too long 

But do they taste good? Now, you know they wouldn't be here if they didn't. While I marvel at the construction and implementation of what must be the greatest leap in gummy shape technology in history, the function must stand up to these heights to succeed, and, remarkably, they do. They aren't as sour as one would imagine based on the name, but I haven't compared them to the non-sour line so perhaps that name is earned. The primary note, as it is in SweeTARTS proper, is tartness. While it is more of a bright, citrus tarness than a more acerbic, chemical flavor, rest assured, it is tart. Doing justice to the name and to the namesake, SweeTARTS Sour Gummies capture the SweeTARTS experience in gummy form, and that's all you can ask of them.

i give it 87 radicals out of 100, and 5 hype out of 5, making it "legit hyphy"